I’m pretty sure I’m at that point in life that adults look back on their lives in their teenage years. All the good times and all the horrific times piled around the same time. Getting drunk, smoking weed, popping pills. I feel like this is the point they look back on when they have spiralled out of control.
She never even noticed when it became a problem. She never even noticed all the things I did for her and all the things I sure as hell wanted to do to her. I guess she’s one of those people that have a thing called, shady vision. She never even noticed that her eyes were lying to her. She was so set on everything she ever wanted, that she didn’t even notice that it was right in front of her. And since she never even noticed anything, it was slowly devouring me. When her eyes glanced back and forth at my mouth, while I was desperartly trying to think of the right words. She never even noticed how badly I had messed up. She never heard the voices beneath the surface, or the select tingling upon her skin. She sure as hell never noticed all the love I had for her. And she surely wouldn’t have noticed me if I hadn’t of spoken to her at school, while she was guarded by the prisoners.
i can’t tell you what it really is. i can only tell you what it feels like. and right now i can’t breathe but i still fight while i can fight. im high off of love, and drunk off my hate. she fucking hates me and i love it. its so insane cause when it’s going good it’s going great. but when its bad its awful i feel so insane i snap. I’ll never stoop so low again. you ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe when your with them? i have. you meet and neither of you ever know what hit em? got that warm fuzzy feeling, and those chills? yeah i used to get them. now your getting fucking sick of looking at them? you swore you’d never hit em or do nothing to hurt them, but now your in eachothers face spewing venom in the burns when you spit them. Your voices pull eachothers heads, and you just wanna hit them. but you promised her, next time you show the strength, you don’t get another chance. you don’t get another chance, so now you get to watch her leave again.