Your probably the smartest girl I’ve ever met. you asked me what science i was taking and i said ” the easy one”. and you said ” oh bio?” I felt to ashamed to tell you i’m in science 24. i feel like an idiot to even be in your presence.
I’m walking in a haze.
I cant think straight.
I can’t concentrate.
Your coming soon.
I am the red in the rose, the flowers
on the blankets on your bedroom floor.
And I am the gray in the ghost that hides
with your clothes behind your closet door.
I am the green in the grass that bends back
from underneath your feet.
And I am the blue in your back alley view
where the horizon and the rooftops meet.
If you cut me I suppose I would bleed the colors
of the evening stars.
You can go anywhere you wish cause I’ll be there, wherever you are.
I will always be your keys
when we are lost in the technicolor phase
The black in the book
the letters on the pages that you memorize.
And I am the orange in the overcast
of color that you visualize.
I am the white in the walls that soak up
all the sound when you cannot sleep.
And I am the peach in the starfish on the beach
that wish the harbor wasn’t quite so deep.
If you cut me I suppose I would bleed the colors
of the evening stars.
I like knowing there’s someone else that you’d rather be with. I like knowing that there’s always another person on your mind, when your the only person in mine. I like the way you talk, and the way you have an attitude. I like how you have allot of friends, and I like how I don’t talk to most of them. I like how another persons name is always sitting on your tongue waiting to be fired. I like how you can’t tell my truths from lies, and how your truth is just lies and deception. I like the way you say my name, and share your thoughts and secrets. I like how when I think of you I don’t feel so alone. I like the pointless fights we get in day after day.
I wish I was the kind of person who could cheer people up. But I have no words.
I’m immune to you now. there’s nothing more you can do to break me down.
It feels empty when I tell you you’re beautiful. Doesn’t it? And you don’t know why. Do you?
You wrote the beginning of the book and entitled it “My Heart”, you gave it to me in hopes that I could shed some light on it. Within seconds of it being in my grasp, i felt it. the pulsing was quickening. is this love inside my heart? I spent days scribbling down the words, they flowed out easily. I gave it to you, unknowingly, i didn’t know that i gave you something else. There in your hands you held it. My heart and your heart, we are combined, we unravel in the words. But the book doesn’t have an ending, we are the untold story, the characters that got lost in the magic. You are the not so typical girl, full of love and lust, not knowing who to give it to, who deserves it. I sat in my bed for days on end, you refused to finish My Heart, you said it was better to keep them guessing. I was tired of guessing. you were tired of guessing. The truth you asked, restating what i had already asked you seconds earlier. You sauntered back and forth, unsure of how to overcome this question, how to get out of it. You then declared that you weren’t ready. ” For the Book?” I asked, thinking she wasnt’ ready for all the publicity. The look in her eyes was there, but I didn’t see it. I couldn’t decipher the truth from a lie, I never could. I was taught to look for the good in people, but I didn’t know that I had shutters on blinding me from the ugly side of people.
I still get dazzled by her smile every time i saw her, she was off and living her own life, and I was just trying to get mine back on track. My Heart had been on the best selling list for over a month, it was a success. The relationship behind it? That was where I was at a loss. I had done everything right, I followed the books, reads the rules, bought the chick magazines. It wasn’t till she confronted me with new arm candy that I finally got the memo, she chooses and then uses. I was a pawn in her game, and i never even knew i was being put out to get hurt. My feet slid on the pavement with every step, refusing to lift from the ground and plummet into the obis-my so called life. Every laugh, became a love sick joke. I was hooked on her, and I didn’t know where the release button was. Her glossed stare, and slight cough brought me back into the moment. I stood starring, just staring at her. How did she become everything I wanted and everything I hated?
She made me feel like i was fourteen again. I hadn’t gotten used to the idea of my stutter, and i haven’t gotten used to the idea of my broken heart. Love was supposed to be something that you only read about in books. It wasn’t supposed to happen to me. I went home feeling down, I began to drink away my sorrows, i kept replaying in my head all the times she had lied. She said she was taking me to a town, but it had already been burnt down. She was burning her bridges, but it was me who would be the one to dive head first into the sheering water and swim my way to her. I was frozen, I no longer had the desire to feel anything. The only thing i knew was that she was mine, our hearts were still combined. Her voice was still the one i heard when i sang in the shower, and her eyes were the only eyes i saw on the dark nights, walking about the ruins of my life.
The phone rang, and my heart stopped. I traced the screen of my phone in my hand, and gripped it tightly. It was her. What else could she take from me? The vibration from the phone gave me tingles, why did she still have this effect over me. The phone stopped, and a puzzled look seeped across my face, no message, no sign that she ever called. Like that of the message history, there was no proof that I was ever in her life. She stole the credit for My Heart, she took it away, and left me to choke in the dust. Why would such a nice girl do such dirty things. It wasn’t long before i caught a glimpse of her, she was always in my dreams, where she belonged. We could dance and r’eminence without any pressure of the outside, better yet it was me who controlled her then. She was perfection in my eyes, but she was also a tragedy in disguise.
Her presence screamed loyalty, but my head screamed love. I never knew love could come in so many forms. She was my mother, brother, and lover all combined into the same skin. People say god doesn’t give with two hands, if that’s true, he gave with three. God is a mutant who likes to watch the less fortunate people scream and hurt and die. I tried over and over again to make sense of the words that were coming out of her mouth. I never really did understand her. She was beyond me, she was the kite and i was the string, trying to whether her down. She brought out the best in me, and i brought out the worst in her, but she never did deniey that i wasn’t what she wanted. I was the water in the hot shower she took, trying to wash away all the sins of the previous times off of her body. she never did get fully clean.